language work

When we make a promise, we do something through language. Promising is verb that cannot be acted out in physical embodied actions like running, jumping, writing. Making a promise is an action that is considered social work. It bonds two people together through the words uttered. Other forms of language create bonding situations. In some cases we understand the bonding language and participate, becoming a bonding member of that social group for that moment, other times we don’t understand the language and are left on the outside of the bonding. Yesterday I saw a situation where 4 co-workers assisted a gentleman and his lady friend. Both were probably in their late 50’s. The lady was wearing an electric blue, skin tight mini dress, and was thin. As soon as she turned around her dress then showed the black straps criss-crossing across her back. As soon as she was out of ear shot three of the 4 co-workers immediately huddled up and starting asking if everyone saw the dress and what was she thinking. The fourth co-worker attempted to join the conversation about the hideous dress, but had great difficulty being convincing in his conversation skills, so he appeared on the outside of bonding, actually standing at a socially awkward angle to the other three huddled employees. In this case language did a lot of harm and a lot of good. The dress wearing woman has no idea any of this conversation happened, so surprisingly it’s not her that felt harm, but the non-bonding employee at the awkward angle. He was unable to join in the impromptu office bonding session so he was left out of the bonding through language, impacting his perceived identity by his co-workers, and he was physically left out and he hung on the skirts of the impromptu circle. In this case he tried to join the bonding, but was not as effective as the other three; they saw through his attempts and deemed them either inadequate, fake, or simply not correct for what they were doing, so they dismissed it. In human interaction through language we communicate more than just meaning, we communicate identity, social position and social relationships. We build contexts in which these meanings occur, and we assume roles as appropriate within each context. For the most part this social work is done subconsciously. In cases where bonding fails, the failure becomes more conscious, and in most cases is due to differing styles of bonding. In this case the outcast employee was male; his typical bonding patterns were not conducive to electric blue dress choice analysis. But, could we get the bonding employees to recognize that their choice of bonding method is what left out the fourth co-worker or will they simply heap the blame on him for not participating in the right way?